I've been so blind

How could I have not seen that I was the poisoned apple the one who made everyone sick, the one who caused so much pain. Yet I felt betrayed when I was the one who betrayed her first... what I'm getting right now is just what I had coming.  How could I've so blind not too see things rationally.  I must let the side of me go including those who I'd hurt I wish for their forgiveness but I don't dare too ask for nothing else.  I wish them well.   And I must learn to repent and also forgive myself.